fifty-three

it's not failure, i mean

we saw failure at the farm, doug was

fifty-three with bleary tears dripping for so much time lost

to whatever it was he did, i don't know

much about drugs, less about him

but he wanted to do and be

better now, he

wanted at fifty-three to be what i am at twenty-three:

i'll bet he never guessed how i ached, oh i ached at failure

not a week before. i'll bet

fred didn't know it in the interview when he said

they're the ones nobody else wants, well

i thought he was talking about me.

but no, i realized sitting this

is not failure, this

is just a long grey dawn, and

there's no telling what dawn really means.



7/3/08 - W had me visit a rehab charity last week and i realized how small everything is for me, how insignificant are my emotions: there was a 42-year-old grandfather whose kids wouldn't come see him because his life was a wreck of addiction.