(also possibly the first poem i ever wrote. who knows. also bad.)
I'm not crying
just wiping my eyes
and blinking
because the grease on my hands
stings in my eyes;
but I'm not crying.
I don't miss her
or think funny thoughts about her
like people do when they're in love,
because I am not in love,
it just so happens that I like a lot of things
about
who she is and wants to become.
I'm not new at this,
as a surgeon may see by the scars
on my heart
or a psychologist might see by the disorders
in my emotions
but (thankfully) I don't believe
I've scarred or disordered
anyone
in return.
[except perhaps my mom,
but she signed up for this job,
and I apologized anyway.]
I've never had a girlfriend,
just friends
and close friends
and a few admirers
and a few that I've admired,
but no-one that I know of
has ever occupied all four positions
at once.
I don't really admire her,
in the way that I mean to say "admire"
although I think she's nice
and I suppose I would like her
to occupy all four positions
at once.
But I'm not in love,
and I don't miss her,
and I'm not crying.
Not yet. at least
but give it another hour.
August 2004
