equivocation

Milling about as if--

there's nothing better to do

nothing we could be accomplishing

we chose to stand in the heat

our children irritate us on purpose

life is a useless tract of time

meaning is meaningless

--but none of it,

hear me, none of that,

is so.

9/2/23

celebration

the sad executive
upon promotion, drank heavily

robbed of his resentment.

what now? happiness?

not from seeds of such rich malaise.

cups empty, thoughts wild

he dreams of moving on

stray visions of mountain poetry

while practicing false smiles for the meeting.

9/2/23

dad

Name it
or don't--
anxiety clawing a hole in my chest

oh that's trite, isn't it?

Mosquitos slinking around, landing:

not sure why I'm like this

maybe I could sleep it off,

maybe that would make it worse.

Do loud noises set it off

cacophony of happy childhoods

or autocorrect, say everything twice:

I might be a good parent

but do I hate parenting? I think I do.

Endless interruption

endless interruption

endless interr--

try not to be short with the little ones.

I'm having an anxiety attack.

I don't have time to but I am:

the questions don't ever stop so

I guess I'll have this crisis later.

Sure kid, let's play

Dad

Dad

hey Dad

Dad?

Dad. Dad. Dad.

Dad--

Dad

There's a scream in my throat

I'll let it out when I'm fifty maybe

or from the grave.

8/21/23