just playing

i forgot a few things

"can you play dead

for a few days--"

i used to think i could stand

anything--like crucifixion:

bearable for a few hours

especially when you know 

you'll be dead after, so

there's nothing to preserve.

Mom on the phone, weeping

"there's so much better,"

with "for the kids" ringing.

Billy on the phone too,

"i'm all alone," in a sob

while i sip a drink in stupor.

i'm playing dead real good

but it's getting harder to tell.

june 2023