Anyway
at 3 in the morning
I crawl into her bed
quietly lay down
pretending she will not notice;
we are both judging me
for doing nothing useful
being nothing more
than awake, at night,
wasting hours meant for sleep
wasting life meant to be lived,
meant to be doing,
creating, maintaining,
anything but--nothing.
I don't even remember what I did.
I pull the sheets around me
judged, judging,
making empty promises
to myself, in my head,
trying to whitewash
my inexcusable, apathetic lust
for consciousness.
April 2022
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