drowsily I recollect
flying on suburban streets
to deliver hot midnight
pizzas; an image of self
before all this.
I’d climb on roofs, or play in
river beds, tenderly cross
high railroad overpasses,
eat scraps hungrily; stay up
for jazz on the radio.
Or I’d wander
moodily at dusk under
power lines in thunder storms.
Alone, I could face despair
with joy, or grim nights with hope;
bright celebrant of my own
fierce energy.
What now? Who am I? Asleep,
numb, hidden behind myself,
a joyless imp, waiting here
to be told to smile? No more!
Here I reclaim my midnights,
their reckless joys:
now rich with adult duties,
long memories, deep heartbreaks,
parenthood, and higher stakes.
No flinching now. Life cuts deep,
but leave me awake to feel
its bright knife edge!
September 2019
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