shame is a velvet robe
gone rough, you know
with overuse and sweat from sleeping in
worn always with a blush.
no one knows my name here
nor cares, nor should.
ah, i am so very well forgotten:
the dim spare twenty crumpled so in old jeans.
but feel not self-pity; rather
disappointment, confusion, distaste--
i am a morbid curiosity.
june '09 - july '09
Is the robe in line 8 the same as in line 1? It's kind of confusing to go from the worn-out velvet robe image (very good) to the crumpled $20 (which is also a good image) to the $20 being in the pocket of a robe...
ReplyDeleteThe last 3 lines are nearly amazing, except for the time and effort cliche. The idea is right, and all the other words fit well; I might just shy away from those three words in sequence.